Step right up, step right up!
Yes, you! Right this way!
Come and experience the one, the only,
the world renowned
traveling HISTORICAL EXTRAVAGANZA
for your WONDERFUL EXHILARATION
for your FANTASMAGORICAL EDIFICATION
(based on the works of Louis Daguerre, of course)
the Polyrama Panoptique!!
Proving that history is fiction today made fact!
Before your very eyes, we shall recount those years in which FREE MEN
stood up in the face of TYRANNY
and for LIBERTY, EQUALITY, BROTHERHOOD,
fine virtues of course which we now know and cherish,
GAVE THEIR LIVES
for in those days the people’s enemies led by TERROR
but our stalwart brothers lived by REASON!
This way, this way!
Under the folds of this tent you will find we have spared no expense,
left no stone unturned, no egg unbroken,
to bring you the most modern and advanced display of man’s progress!!
Ichor Falls Police Department archives, exact date unknown
Preceding documents indicate report was taken around December 1944
We lost Billy just over five months ago, now, and -
No, no, that was the name of our dog. Our children are long since grown and moved away. One to the Coast, then two to the War, you know how that goes. Good boys all.
As I was saying, it’s usually so quiet out here at the edge of town, is why Wallace and I bought this property when we wanted to start a family, and that was just fine. Just fine. He worked at the mill until they got bought and after that it was every day at the factory, steady income. Oh, some times were difficult, especially around winter, but we had lived through the Dark Years so you have to keep it all in perspective.
Now we got Billy, oh, around when the Pope passed away, and that Indian man stopped eating, bless him. So not that long ago. Very important to have a dog this close to the woods, Wallace would say, and I think it helped to have someone around the house to take care of besides us, with the boys grown up.
Billy liked to guard the house after dark, I suppose you would call it, but he was very excitable, always barking and whining at the door even though nobody lives near. Wallace would humor him and let him run outside and back in, but it never did any harm. Well, until one night when Billy didn’t come back. I was worried but Wallace said, “no, it’s fine, he’s just got to run around a bit,” so we set out his food by the door and went to bed.
Everyone’s got something they enjoy more than they should.
For some people, it’s an oddity -– but harmless –- like that guy at the
supermarket who’s always checking the corncobs for blight until an
attendant has to ask him to please get out of the produce department.
For some people, it’s problematic -– or worse -– like that truck driver
who paid more attention to the radio announcer’s opinion on the
economy than his vehicle’s opinion on going 70MPH around a hairpin
For some people, it’s acceptable –- even encouraged –- like my late
aunt’s penchant for embroidering historical scenes, except I don’t
think Colonel Sanders fought at the Battle of Kanawha.
For me, it has been Ichor Falls, with all its small-town
idiosyncrasies and legends. I hope tourists and residents have enjoyed
reading my weekly column “Stories of the Quiet Valley,” which was an
effort to plumb the depth of this area’s history.
Hearing tales of the supernatural, or just strange, may have increased
tourism revenue and
encouraged people to travel in this area, but it should not be
forgotten that there is a
lasting impact of focusing on the unsettling events of history, so
much that placing em-
phasis on haunted houses may lower property values, and recounting the
murder sites in print can only discourage business growth.
Eventually, any journalist who values his community should understand
the fact that
some stories don’t have to be told. But your humble correspondent
thinks, despite his
training, the residents of Ichor Falls deserve to hear truth, and this
is a place where
one can have difficulty separating truth from fiction.
People have claimed that the FDA has no records of Ethylor being
certified as safe for
non-industrial use until 1938, long after the laminating industry
claimed it was harmless.
In later court battles, this theory was debunked, based on 1966
legislation releasing all
government records into the care of Rick (?) Donfeld, but at the time
Ichor Falls was
Lasting effects include a moratorium on intravenous — [recount details
of "Dawst v.
Opprobrium" case especially section IV.8.a]
Get tapes and reformat interview with Walter Mattias, check licence(s?)
- need more cereal, butter/cream ch, bagel plain NO CHIVES
- move P.O. box
- talk with CFO McKinsley about insur
- ??movie nightJennifer??
- certain problems with voice mail fix fix
Last three years of The Times indicates a serious problem with
We regret that no additional parts of Jonathan Tollant’s last article
were discovered in his studio. Law enforcement has been unable to
produce evidence that the fire there was connected to his ongoing
investigations for the Falls Inquirer.
We have attempted to reprint all of his notes here without editing to
honor both the memory of Mr. Tollant and also to reinforce our
commitment to the community of fair reporting.
Publisher-in-Chief Nigel Oglethorpe and The Times‘ editorial staff would like to
thank Mr. Tollant for his many years of contributions to that news
agency, which is now in our care. We regret that much of his research
was never formatted for publication, especially regarding the rise and
fall of this town’s logging industry.