Ichor Falls

Digging Through the Past (New Elysium Times, January 5, 2002)

by on Nov.03, 2008, under Submitted

Everyone’s got something they enjoy more than they should.

For some people, it’s an oddity -– but harmless –- like that guy at the
supermarket who’s always checking the corncobs for blight until an
attendant has to ask him to please get out of the produce department.

For some people, it’s problematic -– or worse -– like that truck driver
who paid more attention to the radio announcer’s opinion on the
economy than his vehicle’s opinion on going 70MPH around a hairpin

For some people, it’s acceptable –- even encouraged –- like my late
aunt’s penchant for embroidering historical scenes, except I don’t
think Colonel Sanders fought at the Battle of Kanawha.

For me, it has been Ichor Falls, with all its small-town
idiosyncrasies and legends. I hope tourists and residents have enjoyed
reading my weekly column “Stories of the Quiet Valley,” which was an
effort to plumb the depth of this area’s history.

Hearing tales of the supernatural, or just strange, may have increased
tourism revenue and
encouraged people to travel in this area, but it should not be
forgotten that there is a
lasting impact of focusing on the unsettling events of history, so
much that placing em-
phasis on haunted houses may lower property values, and recounting the
numerous local
murder sites in print can only discourage business growth.

Eventually, any journalist who values his community should understand
the fact that
some stories don’t have to be told. But your humble correspondent
thinks, despite his
training, the residents of Ichor Falls deserve to hear truth, and this
is a place where
one can have difficulty separating truth from fiction.

People have claimed that the FDA has no records of Ethylor being
certified as safe for
non-industrial use until 1938, long after the laminating industry
claimed it was harmless.

In later court battles, this theory was debunked, based on 1966
legislation releasing all
government records into the care of Rick (?) Donfeld, but at the time
Ichor Falls was

Lasting effects include a moratorium on intravenous — [recount details
of "Dawst v.
" case especially section IV.8.a]

Get tapes and reformat interview with Walter Mattias, check licence(s?)

  • need more cereal, butter/cream ch, bagel plain NO CHIVES
  • move P.O. box
  • talk with CFO McKinsley about insur
  • ??movie nightJennifer??
  • certain problems with voice mail fix fix

Last three years of The Times indicates a serious problem with

Editors’ note:

We regret that no additional parts of Jonathan Tollant’s last article
were discovered in his studio. Law enforcement has been unable to
produce evidence that the fire there was connected to his ongoing
investigations for the Falls Inquirer.

We have attempted to reprint all of his notes here without editing to
honor both the memory of Mr. Tollant and also to reinforce our
commitment to the community of fair reporting.

Publisher-in-Chief Nigel Oglethorpe and The Times‘ editorial staff would like to
thank Mr. Tollant for his many years of contributions to that news
agency, which is now in our care. We regret that much of his research
was never formatted for publication, especially regarding the rise and
fall of this town’s logging industry.

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16 comments for this entry:
  1. Kris Straub

    This one was so simple and straightforward, it threw me for a loop. I thought parts of it were missing or badly formatted and actually started to edit it! Awesome job. Just this side of unsettling.

  2. Xavier Brentwood


    Part of the bad formatting was actually a code hidden in the article – it worked when I originally submitted it (I used the “preview” option) but it’s lost in the final version.

    If someone can still puzzle it out, even better. Have fun.

  3. Kris Straub

    How does it look now? I forced it to leave the formatting alone. If there is a code in here it’s my new favorite.

  4. Xavier Brentwood

    Kris, the second of the two emails I sent to your @starslip account should have the right tags to force the code to show up. Thanks for trying! I’m sorry for wasting your time with secret messages, though. If it doesn’t work this attempt, please just leave it as you originally edited. Someone will figure it out eventually!

  5. Gauntlet

    Chairman of what?

  6. Notyetmadman

    Arrrrrgh. A cooooode. Right before bed. I’m going to be driven mad by this you know. When I finally snap, I’ll be sure to move to Ichor Falls first. Add a little more local color. Red mainly. MWAHAHAHA.

  7. blade

    I was a little disappointed with how un-unsettling this one was at first, but oh man once you figure out the code the whole thing reads completely differently. Nice work.

  8. Karl

    Okay, can someone perhaps put the code in spoiler text for those of us who, after a few frustrating minutes, cannot seem to figure it out? Even without the cheat codes, this piece stands well on its own and freaked me in a House of Leaves kind of way. But, as said, I request further unsettling.

    Thanks. (and nicely done, Xavier and Kris)

  9. Kris Straub

    It’s easy –

    On the lines with the busted word wrap (“Hearing tales…”), take the first letter from the first word on every other line.

  10. Mike

    Yeah, breaking the code adds to the mysterious creepy factor alright.

  11. Dublin Jack

    Oh, fantastic! Unfortunate that your lovely code was lost in the translation, but even viewed thus it’s brilliant. Depth and intrigue are always acclaimed.

  12. Panda

    I only found three words in the code, can someone help me out?

  13. Anon

    It’s not all that hard to figure out the code, Panda. To help you: it’s three words and part of a name. Hope that doesn’t spoil it too much :)

  14. Murjana

    Lovely! A clever use of formatting!

  15. Tibbunny

    I feel somewhat spooked that I see six words and a name.

    Xavier, please tell me it was intended.

  16. WriterRyan

    The code spells out “help me stop nigel”, which is the name of the Publisher-in-Chief

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